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When I left my 20 year relationship last year, my therapist kept encouraging to “date myself.” He encouraged me to plan something special to do alone outside of the house once a week. I lived in a summer rental cottage near the beach then. These solo dates were usually a Sunday walk to nearby Disney’s Vero Beach Resort. I’d chillax in a hammock with a book, maybe sneak into the hot tub, then treat myself to dinner: usually a fruity cocktail and a cheese plate.
I was going through some really hard stuff. I usually didn’t want to go out. Sadness, worry, guilt and emotional exhaustion weighed heavily. Moping on the couch was so much easier than making the moves to go out alone (which mostly entailed getting off the couch).
But I did it anyway because I knew my therapist was going to ask me.
And I always felt better once I left the house.
I’ve continued the practice of dating myself over the past year, though it’s no longer a a scheduled weekly event. I think I’ll get back to that! I’m able to find my balance again after I go out alone.
5 reasons to go out alone
- Enjoy your own company. No small talk needed. Do exactly what you want to do. No worries about anyone else.
- Be alone in your thoughts. How often do we truly have quiet to just be in our heads without a dozen other channels going – kids, coworkers, bosses, partners, parents, pets, tv, Youtube, etc. Enjoy the peace to listen to what’s going on in your own head.
- People watch. Eavesdrop on conversations. Make up stories about people at other tables. Get inspiration from people enjoying life.
- Eat whatever you want. And then eat it all by yourself with no one picking off your plate.
- Try something new. The best way to figure out if you like something is to experience it alone. The only opinion to absorb in is your own. If you like it, do it more. Hate it? Leave without upsetting anyone.
Why you should date yourself
YOU ARE AWESOME, AMAZING AND WORTHY.
In the words of Lizzo from her song Soulmate:
Look up in the mirror like, “Yeah, she the one”
And she never tell me to exercise
We always get extra fries
And you know the sex is fire
And I gotta testify
I get flowers every Sunday
I’ma marry me one day
True love ain’t somethin’ you can buy yourself
True love finally happens when you by yourself
So if you by yourself, then go and buy yourself
Another round from the bottle on the higher shelf
‘Cause I’m my own soulmate
I know how to love me
I know that I’m always gonna hold me down (Always gonna hold me down)
13 easy date ideas to take yourself on
- Watch the sunrise
- Walk in the park
- Picnic on the beach
- Roller derby
Here are some other posts you might like from my adventures of getting to know myself: