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My weight has fluctuated greatly this past year. I’ve had both weight loss and weight gain.
First, I dropped 60 pounds without trying. It took months to find a doctor who listened to me that something was wrong instead of praising the weight loss.
I lost weight because I was anemic AF
I was so tired I could barely get out of bed and when I did my blood pressure dropped so low I almost fainted many times.
It turns out I was severely anemic (with two different types of anemia! Iron AND B12 deficiencies). After five iron infusions and I don’t even know how many weekly B12 injections I’m feeling much better.
And then I gained weight back quickly
But as I stabilized, my weight started going up again. I lost quickly and I’ve gained it back quickly, both without feeling like I had any control.
I posted a reel on Instagram the other day encouraging you to wear the shorts and crop top if you want because your summer body is already here and it’s beautiful. And I really believe that! And I felt super cute in my shorts and crop top!
Smaller is not better than healthy
But I still struggle sometimes. Losing weight so quickly was hard. I looked different – my skin hung in ways it didn’t before. I was uncomfortable when people complimented me. I’d worked really hard to love and accept my body as it was and finally stop beating myself up about not being able to lose weight. Then the pounds suddenly dropped off and people started constantly telling me how amazing I looked.
But I was so very sick. “Silver linings,” I kept hearing. Being closer to society’s view of an acceptable body size was clearly more important than my overall health to most (including medical staff).
Old thought patterns die hard
But then I stated putting weight back on around Christmas and that’s been really hard, too. I didn’t change the way I was eating. Again, it’s like I have no control over my body.
Most people are too polite to comment on my weight gain, but I worry they’re disappointed. Yeah, with all the work I’ve done to have a positive body image I still worry about OTHER people’s disappointment of my body. That old toxic programming is hard to completely clear out!
I’ve been paying way too much attention to the number on the scale for the last year – first wondering why the number kept dropping. Then fretting about it climbing back up.
Yesterday I decided ENOUGH.
So I dropped the scale off at Goodwill!
I’m going to focus on nourishing and taking care of myself in every way and trust my body. I feel lighter already!
Anyone want to join me in breaking up with the scale?