Guided Emotional Support Journals, you deserve to feel great about yourself!

Losing weight without trying is weird

My doctor is concerned about my weight loss. For the first time in my life, I’m losing weight without trying.

This is so weird to me.

A lifetime of doctors blaming weight for everything

Doctors have been telling me to lose weight my whole life. I was put on a structured diet by a doctor in 3rd grade. I still remember the printed food list of “approved” foods and “allowed” portion sizes – unlimited yellow mustard!!!! Woohoo! 

My mom provided the school with a copy of the diet, which meant I was skipped when the teacher was passing out birthday cupcakes. She scrounged around in her desk and gave me a sad looking Apple instead. 

My parents weren’t great with follow-through so the unlimited mustard diet didn’t last long. Plus, we were poor and special food for me wasn’t in the budget. Oh, and the doctor was arrested around that time on drug charges and lost his license. 

But “you need to lose weight” has been the mantra of every doctor I’ve seen since childhood. 

Ear infection? You need to lose weight.

Fractured ankle from falling down stairs? You need to lose weight.

Suspicious mole? You need to lose weight. 

Losing weight without trying

So hearing a doctor say, “You’re losing weight too quickly” is really throwing me.

I first saw this doctor in February. I’d gained a chunk of weight after an emotionally turbulent few months. I felt awful. My lab work showed why – my blood sugar was high and vitamins b and d low, along with other “off” readings. This has happened to me before in high stress times. Stress can really eff up the body.

So I started new meds and supplements. The side effects were pretty rough. Dizziness, blurry vision, headaches, nausea, exhaustion, weakness. And then my life got even more emotional turbulence. Stress. Heartbreak. Worry.

Because of this, I’ve dropped over 40 pounds since that initial appointment in February.

I’m losing weight without trying. I eat what I want, when I want. It’s just the “when” is less frequent now and the amount smaller. And that’s not a conscious effort. I just don’t feel like eating as much or often lately. 

One of the things that popped up in my lab results was that I have low muscle mass. The doctor is concerned the quick weight loss is mostly muscle. The situation is being monitored, meds adjusted, etc. 

But people have started to notice. I’m getting so much praise and compliments both in person and on social media.

“Wow! You’ve lost weight! You look great!”

And then almost always followed by, “what’s your secret?” or “tell me how to do it, too!”

It’s an awkward and uncomfortable position. I have very snail-pace slowly lost a good deal of weight intentionally with great effort and frustrations over the past decade. But this recent 40 pounds is different. It just happened quickly and without my mental energy due to sickness and sadness. I’ve spent way too many days exhausted on the couch, unable to focus on work. 

But I don’t want to go into all that  every time someone comments on my weight loss.  I also don’t want to say “thank you,” even though I know they think noticing my weight loss is complimentary and that my efforts are worthy of praise.

I don’t mind people commenting. I’m not judging. I’ve done similar myself so many times. 

It’s just weird when the weight loss is not something I’m active working on. Just as it’s weird to go from doctors shaming me for not losing enough weight to one who is concerned I’m losing too quickly. 

I’m going to have a hot girl summer in my pile of Shein bathing suits no matter what I weigh. I just want to feel healthy and strong enough to enjoy it. 

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