Some days are heavy and that’s okay. That’s been one of my big lessons over the past several months. (One of many big lessons.) I’ve also had a lot of practice at pushing through the hard days.
I asked my sister to take a pic of me before breakfast about a month ago. I was wearing a cute romper my friend @fatalchemy gave me and I wanted to show it off on Insta. My sis snapped several pics and when I looked at them, I saw I had a weird expression on my face. (I also noticed my dark underwear was showing, but whatever.)
I thought I was smiling for the photos, and maybe if you don’t know me well it passes as a smile. But I know it was a hard day and I see it in the photos.
Nothing new happened to make it a tough day. I’ve been working through some really complicated, challenging stuff all summer and while I’m making big progress, some days are still just heavy.
Even when I’m wearing a cute romper, Fenty lipstick, and vintage sunglasses in an attempt to feel better.
Even when I’m eating cheese grits with my sister on the beach.
Even when I’ve chosen a restaurant where I know the waiter always flirts with me.
Even when said tall, hot waiter greets me with hugs and cheek kisses and tells me I’m beautiful as soon as I walk in.
Pushing through the hard days isn’t easy. It’s really pretty exhausting. But so is wallowing in them.
I actually just flipped into one of the hard days as I’m writing this. Sometimes we wake up and the day just feels heavy. Some days it gets heavier as it goes. And sometimes it just switches like a flip. That’s what just happened.
I glanced at my phone and saw that it took it upon itself to make a full video featuring photos of someone I miss greatly, but who isn’t speaking to me. And who may never speak to me again.
I should probably get those photos off my phone, but I’m not ready for that yet.
So I’m going to let myself feel the heartbreak, grief, and sadness for a while.
And then I’m going to go to the pool to push through it.
Actually, it’s not always a matter of pushing through it. Sometimes it’s more like accepting the heavy is there, but pushing yourself to do life anyway. Pushing yourself despite the hard days more than pushing through them.
And I’ve already made plans to meet a friend for breakfast at the restaurant with the cute waiter on Wednesday.