Is there an age limit on drunk texting? It feels like 43 is way over the line.
I had a whole bunch of wine (and some cocktails, too) in Napa Valley last Saturday night. It was a long, wonderful evening with lots of libations over the course of many hours. There was also delicious food, interesting conversation, touring wineries, and hearty laughter.
And instead of going to sleep when I got to my hotel room, I typed out a whole ass essay in text form to someone who has asked me for space. I woke up a few hours after I sent it on the verge of throwing up. I’m not used to so much alcohol and I almost never drink wine. It was while I was telling myself, “Don’t throw up, don’t throw up,” I remembered drunk texting.
Oof.
Here’s what it looks like when Rambling Rach is drunk texting:
Can I do a “no, thank you” on you ignoring me please? I know you’re trying to figure shit out and it’s so hard and heavy, but you are my best friend and I want to tell you when cool stuff happens. Dude, Infiniti invited me to Napa Valley. I’m staying in a fancy hotel and they gave me a fancy hat. And there was a delicious dinner at a vineyard tonight and tomorrow they are giving me the keys to an expensive car to drive around wine country. I’m going on an olive-inspired adventure and to a goat beach! I don’t know how this happened. As you are aware, I don’t know about cars. I didn’t even know Infiniti was a car until a few months ago, though I’ve apparently been in Ryan’s? I’m also terrible at drinking and don’t know about wine. I love you. I miss you. I think I had 190 glasses of wine tonight. And some cocktails. I think I am very tipsy. Also, I do not like flower petals randomly thrown on my food. I look cute in Napa Valley. I’m hanging out with Miss Venezuela. The toilet seat is heated. Goodnight.”
And then an immediate follow-up.
Holy fuck! It is midnight here and 3 a.m. at you! Sorry I forgot about time while drunk.
Yeah.
And so I created a “Don’t Text Them!” journal.
As someone who was married from ages 20 – 40, I’m getting a lot of life experiences and lessons really late. And they are pretty much all coming in the hardest ways. Being a forty-something-teenager is tricky, yo.
Tell me your drunk texting stories! Make me feel better?
And, no, there was no response.
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