Dude, Where’s My Writing Motivation?

My writing motivation has been off and my creative juices haven’t been flowing. But it’s a fresh month and I’m going to get stuff done anyway. Below is day 1 of stream of conscious daily writing. It will be the only day I copy and paste here because I just actually opened up The Artist Way for the first time and I’m supposed to be handwriting three pages every morning. So I’ll officially start tomorrow. 

My friend B posted on his Instagram story he was mistaken for Lance Bass yesterday.  It made me literally LOL because I’ve mistaken Lance Bass for him when scrolling through social media, even though B is about 15 years younger. I sent him a message to tell him it made me laugh and being mistaken for Lance Bass is a huge compliment. I told him he’s welcome to come visit me at Tybee Island if he needs a beach escape.  He told me I’m the sweetest and asked how it’s going.

I told him I’m not that sweet, I’m lonely and trying to lure people here. I told him I love this place, but I’m not getting the clarity on where to go in life I’d hoped for or the motivation to write my heart out.  He told me not to wait for  writing motivation. To just get up each day and write. He suggested I just knock out three pages of words every morning without even trying to force it to be anything. He said to write about the weather, what I see, what I’m feeling, etc. and that eventually, it will turn into something.

Then he suggested a book called “The Artist’s Way.” I laughed again because I bought it years ago.  It was recommended on a Buzzfeed list of best things to buy on Amazon. I was doing a whole lot of retail therapy to try to distract myself from my terrible marriage, kid in mental health crisis and my overall unhappiness.

I got rid of most of my belongings when I left Florida and moved to this island for three months. But that book actually made the cut even though I’ve never opened it.  So I went downstairs and pulled it off the shelf last night. I posted a photo of it on my Instagram story and tagged B. I still haven’t opened it, but I plan on doing it today.

So I slept in this morning and then stayed in bed for a long while.  I haven’t been sleeping well here. Actually, not just here. I haven’t slept well in a really long time.  But here, I wake up tired so matter how much I sleep. So I’m usually in bed for a while after waking up before I actually put my feet on the floor. 

Now it’s almost noon and I’m just now starting the day.  I always ask Siri the temperature before I get dressed because I just never know here.  One day it’s sunny and 60s. The next day it’s raining and 40. Siri said it’s 63 so I put on cute flowered shorts and a black and white striped t-shirt.  This outfit makes me happy. The shirt has little ruffled sleeves. I got it out of a bin at the Goodwill Outlet. I got the shorts in a bundle on Poshmark from Nicole Slate (or something like that…maybe State), one of the big resellers with a huge YouTube following.  I’m feeling cute. I still need to brush my teeth, brush my hair, moisturize and put on deodorant.

My daughter had horrible anxiety about going to school when she started middle school.  Mornings were hell trying to get her up, ready and out the door. I started singing “Hair, teeth, deodorant, deodorant” to the tune of “Head, shoulders, knees and toes.”  “You’ll smell good and feel good, too. Hair, teeth, deodorant, deodorant.” She’s off at college and I’m living alone, still singing it some mornings. 

Anyway, I finally got up and got dressed. Then I pulled out my Chromebook and had Siri set a timer on my phone for 30 minutes.  I’m taking Bobby’s advice with a little tweak of a timer to start.  

After this I’m going to go out to breakfast, even though I have plenty of food here at the house.  A super late breakfast. I guess that’s brunch, but it doesn’t seem like brunch when you do it alone.  Then I need to drop off my April rent check, draining my bank account again. I was originally only going to stay here through the end of March.  March starts the tourist season here, so I was lucky to get March at a decent rate. But the universe smiled on me and the owners of my rental are letting me have April at the same rent in exchange for being here when the roof is repaired.

After breakfast, I’ll probably walk on the beach a bit, sit in the swing.  Watching the waves, seagulls and people with feet in the sand and the sun on my skin helps me clear my head. Maybe I should bring a notebook and pen to see if my writing motivation gets sparked at the beach. 

I have to go to the post office to mail stuff I sold on Poshmark and Mercari also.

Then…home to write for my main client.  I feel guilty I’m wasting this opportunity and not writing enough to rack in a solid amount of cash.  I feel like I wasted January and February. Then I get overwhelmed and frozen in my feelings and continue not writing.  It’s been a cycle all of 2020. But today….I’m going to write articles and submit articles. Come through writing motivation, come through!

I just looked at the time.  Is that cheating? I guess I have the power to set my own rules.  There are seven minutes left on the clock.  Well, that’s pretty impressive – I tapped out a lot in 23 minutes. About a thousand words.

Okay, this has already been a very valuable exercise. I can make a lot happen if I’m not watching TV in the background with half a dozen other windows open and my phone in my lap.  Distractions kill my writing motivation.

I really like Tybee Island.  I’ll be back in Florida for May-August (though finding affordable, furnished, pet-friendly short term rental options is a huge challenge).  I’m not looking forward to going back after making such a big deal out of finally leaving. It feels really lame to go back after only four months.  But I don’t plan on staying. And it will be good to be back where I have friends. I haven’t really tried to make friends here because I know I’m not here permanently.  However, I did open up OK Cupid and send some dudes messages last night. I doubt I’ll follow through with anything, but it wouldn’t be awful to possibly go to coffee and chat with someone. 

It’s going to be weird to have the girls living with me all summer after we’ve all been on our own for so many months.  I have to remember they’ve been independent at college and not try to control them. I don’t want to take responsibility for them again, so I need to just NOT fall into that role.

Bestie Boo sent me a video of sequins on his floor despite three full house cleaning cycles. It was from the sequins pants I wore at his house for my birthday a full month ago.  They were completely covered in blue sequins and fabulous. I got them at the Goodwill outlet bins, too.

B said to write three pages.  I set the timer because that seemed like too much when typing.  I can’t handwrite three pages. My handwriting is so awful. It hurts me to write by hand. My hand aches.  I probably need occupational therapy. I wouldn’t be able to read what I wrote anyway. But three pages typed seemed like so much so I set the timer for 30 minutes instead.  But the timer just went off and here we are on page 3. 

And scene…I’ll pull out a notebook and write by hand tomorrow morning to officially get with the Artist’s Way program. Here’s to an increase in writing motivation and creativity! I have less than two months left on this little island and I want to knock out the bones of a book.